Letter to my unborn child.
In the middle of the grieving process as I was waiting to have surgery to remove the lifeless baby from my fallopian tube I wrote a letter. We were never able to find out the gender, but we named our baby HOPE because that is all I had.
This process is very therapeutic to the heart. It allowed me to connect to my child and feel like I was a mom for just a moment in time. I felt a deep love for my child even after I realized I would never get to bring my baby home.
I strongly encourage you to write a letter to SOMEONE….
To the child you are praying for
To the baby you lost
To your Husband
To your parents or grandparents
Below is the letter I wrote during my first miscarriage, it was an ectopic. During that time I was waiting for my baby to exit my body naturally, but that never happened. I ended up in an emergency surgery after two rounds of methotrexate. I was praying and talking to my baby every day. Writing this letter helped me accept what would never be and allow my heart to grieve. Please take the time to write.
You are loved and You are seen.
If you want to share what you write I would love to read it please email me at RuthieCody@yahoo.com
HOLD NOTHING BACK. Just write.
Dear son or daughter,
Thank you for the time that we spent together. Thank you for allowing me to carry you inside my body for as long as possible. I’m so sorry we could not bring you into this world to join our family. We will always wonder what our life would have been if we didn’t have to say goodbye so soon.
I was never given the opportunity to officially say good bye and it causes an aching deep within my soul. Knowing I will never get the chance to whisper in your ear and tell you how much I love breaks my heart repeatedly. I was never able hold you in my arms, to kiss your sweet face and wipe away your tears and yet my heart still holds deep unexplainable love for you. A love unlike anything I’ve ever felt before. It’s hard to understand loving someone you have never met or longing for something you never had but the truth is the love of a mother never ceases.
I know it will take time for my body to physically heal from the surgery needed to remove your lifeless little body from mine. I carried you for 5 weeks after we found out your heart was not beating, as the doctors did everything they could to spare my body from having this surgery it came down to a life or death choice we had to make. It was a hard time, a scary time, and a time I’ll never forget.
It’s just hard to imagine what our life would have been if we were able to bring you home. We didn’t have the chance to give to you a name, but what you gave us was HOPE. We will rest and trust in that and know that we have hope in tomorrow. Hope is not gender specific, and is not selective on who can receive it. It is an opportunity for us to trust and have faith in the things we cannot understand. “Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him.”
Psalm 62:5 NIV
My heart hurts and I will always long for you my sweet baby in heaven! My hopes and dreams for you have been shattered and on this side of heaven, I will never know what your life could have been.
I want to tell you about your dad. I know you would have loved him. He would have played with you, taught you his classy dance moves and take you golfing with him on Sundays. He is very strong and holds our family together when it feels like the world is falling apart.
I take comfort in knowing that you are being held and love by our Lord & Savior. I’m sure heaven is a pretty cool place, some of my favorite people are already there.
Until we meet my sweet child we will hold you in our hearts.
